Blue Sisters Red State

1. Repeat after me, “Je m’apelle ________ “(insert your name). You are learning to introduce yourself in French because obviously now that Obama is the President Elect we will become a socialist society. So go ahead, don your beret and wave “Bonjour” to your neighbor.

2. Perhaps listening to a more eloquent President is confusing or upsetting to you. I suggest that you try inserting, “Ugh” after every third word President Obama says, if you find that this is not enough try imagining that his face is screwed into an idiotic smirk. There, thats more like what you have been used to.

3. President Elect Obama’s BFF Bill Ayers will be dropping by your house this week for dinner so that you too can pal arround with terrorists. He likes steak.

4. I understand that Joe Biden is not the kind of VP that you are used too, so we are in the early stages of talks to see if he is open to shooting anyone of his good friends in the face sometime during the next 4 years.

5. Also to quiet your reservations in the VP department we are going to ask that the Obama girls choose a pit bull for their new puppy. We will be sending them some lipstick for the pup in a complementary shade.

6. Put down Bill OʼReillyʼs Culture Warrior, Ann Coulterʼs Godless: The Church of Liberalism, and Obama Nation: Leftist Politics and the Cult of Personality. Even though these very books mirror your thoughts and feelings perfectly, they will only make you feel angrier and more helpless about the future secular, intelligent, and culturally aware administration. We suggest supplementing your reading supply with the Enquirer, same level of writing but different subject matter.

7. If you are an atheist and a republican, continue to justify the policies of extreme, fundamentalist Christian politics. Maybe when Obama’s reign is over you’ll have developed the convoluted logic to support your two opposing beliefs.

8. To pass the time, set up charitable organizations for all of those poor rich people that will be taxed more. They need our help.

9. Don’t let any of Obama’s speeches sway you about togetherness, listening to Americans (even those he disagrees with), protecting human rights, or employing diplomacy to aid our ever declining international image. These issues are clearly unimportant and ridiculous.

10. If none of these suggestions are helpful to you remember that you can always move to Alaska. That way you can still be governed by a folksy, ignorant, and real American.

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